Hate: Please Think Before You Speak

Making the decision to let go of my biggest fear last week seems to have lit a fire under me.  I was flipping through the radio stations on my drive to La Crosse yesterday, and I paused briefly on a station broadcasting a church service, and what I heard affected me so deeply, I could hardly wait to sit down and write this.  This country, this world has become increasingly rife with negativity and hate, and this is just one example of how the power of our words has great impact. 

The pastor/priest was telling a story, and it started off sounding like it was going to be a cute, uplifting story.  It went kind of like this:

“An old woman who doesn’t have enough money to buy food prays to God for help.  She goes to the grocery store.  A man (a known atheist) who does not know her sees her, and he pays for the groceries she needs.  The woman, in tears, says “thank you God.”  The man says to her “God didn’t pay for those groceries, I did.”  The woman becomes really excited at that point and says “Thank you God!  I knew you would come through for me, but I didn’t realize you would have the devil, himself, do it.”

I was flabbergasted.  In a few short sentences, the leader of this church gave ‘permission’ to the congregation (by the roar of the laughter, there were several hundred) to hate someone who thought/believed differently than they; to think of them as evil…the devil.  How very sad.  How said it is that we humans have become so used to speech like this that it has become normal…even funny.  How sad it is that leaders in our communities use their power to preach hatred.  Think of how things could change if people just thought before they spoke.

When you are in a casual conversation with a friend, it is so easy to let words out that cut someone down, belittle someone.  But think about the consequences.  This has a ripple effect.  The more we use negative language and hate, the easier it is to accept as just part of our daily lives, and we become complacent about making the change within ourselves to, instead, add the positive, more loving language/energy.  Each of these directions has great power.  Both hate language and love language have have that ripple effect and can add either positive energy to the world or negative.  Which would you rather be a part of?

What is Unconditional Love?

"Great Spirit, I was born to say, I Love You. Help remind me through the day that love should be my only goal, my only thought in what I do, and my only inspiration." - Cherokee Prayer

What is love?

I just wanted to share my understanding of what love is; not the emotional or romantic feelings that most people equate with that word, but the unconditional love that each one of us carries inside of us, the true expression of our souls.  I hope I can find the words for what I wish to express here, because this is an important concept I am hoping to put across.  The bulk of what I am saying, most of you have heard before from one place or another, but it is worth saying again.

What is unconditional love?  It is love/compassion for all no matter what they have done or who they have become.  Most religions that I have studied teach this concept in some way.  It sounds like a simple concept and yet difficult for many to actually put into practice. 

I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people express that they unconditionally love for all and then turn around and express fear and hatred toward others practically within the next breath.  It is very easy to say we unconditionally love a family member or friend or neighbor whom we feel close to.  It is easy to feel unconditional love for a victim.  For most, though, it is quite a challenge to say we love someone who has killed, tortured, or hurt another in some way.  It is another thing to express love toward someone who has hurt us deeply and yet still another thing to love ourselves unconditionally.  

Through my own journey, I have come to realize that I had been living an illusion of separateness, the same illusion most of us live under.  We are all connected to each other, to the Earth, and beyond this physical world…all of us.  This connection binds us deeply to each other.  We love one another unconditionally, because we all are ultimately one.  

As far back as I can remember, I have always understood on some level the concept of unconditional love toward those who have gone astray but have not always practiced it.  Yes, I love those who have murdered, tortured, hurt others, hurt myself.  I do.  Let this not be confused, though, with condoning behavior.  That is something totally different.  I love those who I differ in opinions with, those who I vehemently disagree with, those who I am angry with. 

I find myself dismayed when I look at my Facebook wall and see hate spewed between classmates, friends, or family all because they disagree on a political point.  There are many ways we can express ourselves and our differing opinions without personal attack, but it seems like that is the easier, though lower road, to travel.  This, though, does seem to match the mood around the country lately and around the world. 

I once asked during my meditation some time ago to be shown how to ‘be’ the unconditional love that I felt from that which is nonphysical.  What I didn’t realize, however, was that I already was that which I was seeking.  We all are.  I just was not practicing it all of the time.  I do my best every day to remember this and put it into practice.  If I fail, I expect those who read this to call me on it :).  This has been a long journey to get here.  One of the reasons we are here is to uplift each other, so we can all become the very best of who we are.

P.S.  If you’re reading this, I love you.

Living Fearlessly

Throughout my journey the past couple of years, one of my main obstacles has been fear.  I used to have many fears.  Now I have only a couple of fears left that are in my awareness.  Probably my biggest fear right now (and the one that is holding me back from really becoming my true self) is worrying about what other people think of me, especially that they might think I’m “crazy” because of something I say or do.  At least, that is what I thought it was. 

Digging deeper, I find that it is really not that at all.  After all, I don’t care what people think of me if I don’t know them well or at all.  I can handle blank stares and rolling of the eyes from people who I am not close to.  It is those who I am close to that I fear alienating or having them disappear from my life because I have made them uncomfortable.  I sometimes become frustrated with myself, because, first of all, it has never happened.  Anyone who truly matters in my life is still by my side.  Secondly, if I embrace who I am and what I am here to do, the people who matter can either a) not think I’m crazy and stand beside me, b) think I’m crazy and stand beside me, or c) think I’m whacked and walk away :).  If it’s c, then I guess I need to learn to move on and give my energy to those who still stand beside me.

I have a couple of dear friends who I thank for helping me on this part of my journey.

I’m totally ready for this.  Of course, I haven’t been challenged on it yet :),  and that could be interesting, but I am ready.  

Question: What's your trick? Answer: Love :)

I've lost weight over the past 2 years...a lot...80 pounds and still going.  It was last winter that the people around me began to take notice.  I get asked a lot "how do you do it?" or "what's your trick?"  The answer I usually give is that I do not diet.  The real answer, though, is much more complex and yet very simple at the same time.  It took years and years of work and a lot of pain, but I finally did it.  The trick is:  I learned to love myself.  That's it.  That is all there is to it.  Yet, it is this one thing that can be so difficult for so many of us.

Loving ourselves should be as natural as breathing.  Throughout our lives, though, we are inundated with messages that being who we are is not good enough.  I lived most of my life wishing I was different until, over the past several years, I discovered how truly magnificent it is to be me.  You see, when I finally accepted and loved me for who I am, things just happened naturally.  I no longer feel the need to feed that 'empty' space.  I don't feel the need to medicate the pain away with food.  I simply use food for what it was intended...as fuel for my body.  No food is off limits ever.  I don't disparage myself when I might have had a little too much.  Those things are punishment.

When I opened up that door, I also began to remember and also find new things that I love to do, and that keeps me active.

And the emotional pain that I used to cover up with food...there is still pain and sadness now and then...I don't try to numb it  with food, avoid it with sleep, or try to force it to go away.  I don't try to over analyze it.  I just simply recognize it, feel it, and know it will pass eventually.  It is not fun, but it is far better than how I used to cope.

Loving self:  It is simple, yet the one of the most difficult things I have ever done.

Rain, How I Love Thee :)

Rain is my favorite weather event. It would take me all day to tell you all of the things I love about the rain, so I will just give a synopses.

I love that I can tell the rain is coming. I love that I can smell wet pavement an hour before the rain comes. The clouds roll in, announcing something very exciting is about to happen.

Rain is the universe's sweetest of lullabies. It rocks me gently to sleep and makes me want to stay under the covers in the morning.

Rain fills up all of our physical senses; the feel of the water falling softly on my skin and the wet grass between between my toes, the smell of wet grass, wet dirt, wet pavement; seeing the water washing away and making new; the sound of raindrops hitting the leaves, the roof, the sidewalk; and the taste of the raindrops on my tongue.

Rain is a spiritual event.  When was the last time you danced in the rain or splashed in a puddle?

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Last summer, I had a vision of 'me' as the person I wanted to be.  She was beautiful, radiant, glowing, and she was being who she wanted to be.  I held onto that vision since then and thought of myself as being that person who I saw.   Last Saturday morning, I woke up to get ready for a weekend workshop that I have been excited about for a while.  I took my shower, got dressed and started working on my hair and makeup.  That's when I looked into the mirror.  There she was....beautiful, radiant, glowing, just like in the vision only now manifest in physical.  I stared back at her, somewhat shocked.  Wow, I thought...I am actually becoming who I set out be over a year ago.  I took a picture, and it pretty well captured how I was feeling that morning (my new profile pic).  I normally shy away from the camera, but I just needed to see if what I saw in the mirror was a mirage.

It does make me a bit sad that I have spent so much of my time not liking who I saw in the mirror for so many years, but I plan to not dwell on that too much and keep moving forward.

Letting go and taking a leap of faith

A little over a year ago, I began this very transformational period in my life.  It had been knocking on my door so to speak for a much longer time, but it was just over a year ago that I feel I really began to 'wake up.'  Much has happened in both my physical life and spiritual life--too much to even begin to put in my little blog.  I have learned more about myself these past several months that I have in my entire life.

For the past couple months, I feel I am being called to act on this, called to actually do something with my new-found knowledge.  What exactly it will look like in the end, I do not know.  I have had the presence of Leopard and Black Panther who came to help me reclaim my power.  Now, my animus has been clearly come to me in my dreams to drive me to action.

I have had visions of myself doing the work I came here to do, but, as I said earlier, the exact nature of that work is still a bit foggy; so I asked that I be shown my open doors.  What came to me were a couple of paths to healing and energy work.  I selected the one that that I was most drawn too.  I am attending a shamanism workshop this weekend.

I really want to learn how to control my experiences more and have them last longer.  However, as I was reading the book that was recommended and what the class is based on, I began to wonder if this was such a good idea.  It mentioned having participants 'dance their power animal' and make up songs and sing them...plus a whole lot of other ritual.  Being a person who is not known for 'letting go' in front of others and also, in general, doing anything in front of a group of people, this scares the pants off of me.  I briefly thought about not showing up even though I have already paid my money (that would be the rabbit in me).  I began to think I had clearly made a mistake and should have selected the other workshop.

Then, I looked back at my life and all of the opportunities I had wasted and all of the challenges I had backed down from all because of this fear of worrying about what others think, and there is a sadness in that.  To not follow through would give me momentary relief of my anxieties but would also carry with it a much longer period of  regret of not following through.

So, I take up this challenge with a light heart (sorta) and a leap of faith.