A little over a year ago, I began this very transformational period in my life. It had been knocking on my door so to speak for a much longer time, but it was just over a year ago that I feel I really began to 'wake up.' Much has happened in both my physical life and spiritual life--too much to even begin to put in my little blog. I have learned more about myself these past several months that I have in my entire life.
For the past couple months, I feel I am being called to act on this, called to actually do something with my new-found knowledge. What exactly it will look like in the end, I do not know. I have had the presence of Leopard and Black Panther who came to help me reclaim my power. Now, my animus has been clearly come to me in my dreams to drive me to action.
I have had visions of myself doing the work I came here to do, but, as I said earlier, the exact nature of that work is still a bit foggy; so I asked that I be shown my open doors. What came to me were a couple of paths to healing and energy work. I selected the one that that I was most drawn too. I am attending a shamanism workshop this weekend.
I really want to learn how to control my experiences more and have them last longer. However, as I was reading the book that was recommended and what the class is based on, I began to wonder if this was such a good idea. It mentioned having participants 'dance their power animal' and make up songs and sing them...plus a whole lot of other ritual. Being a person who is not known for 'letting go' in front of others and also, in general, doing anything in front of a group of people, this scares the pants off of me. I briefly thought about not showing up even though I have already paid my money (that would be the rabbit in me). I began to think I had clearly made a mistake and should have selected the other workshop.
Then, I looked back at my life and all of the opportunities I had wasted and all of the challenges I had backed down from all because of this fear of worrying about what others think, and there is a sadness in that. To not follow through would give me momentary relief of my anxieties but would also carry with it a much longer period of regret of not following through.
So, I take up this challenge with a light heart (sorta) and a leap of faith.
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