Throughout my journey the past couple of years, one of my main obstacles has been fear. I used to have many fears. Now I have only a couple of fears left that are in my awareness. Probably my biggest fear right now (and the one that is holding me back from really becoming my true self) is worrying about what other people think of me, especially that they might think I’m “crazy” because of something I say or do. At least, that is what I thought it was.
Digging deeper, I find that it is really not that at all. After all, I don’t care what people think of me if I don’t know them well or at all. I can handle blank stares and rolling of the eyes from people who I am not close to. It is those who I am close to that I fear alienating or having them disappear from my life because I have made them uncomfortable. I sometimes become frustrated with myself, because, first of all, it has never happened. Anyone who truly matters in my life is still by my side. Secondly, if I embrace who I am and what I am here to do, the people who matter can either a) not think I’m crazy and stand beside me, b) think I’m crazy and stand beside me, or c) think I’m whacked and walk away :). If it’s c, then I guess I need to learn to move on and give my energy to those who still stand beside me.
I have a couple of dear friends who I thank for helping me on this part of my journey.
I’m totally ready for this. Of course, I haven’t been challenged on it yet :), and that could be interesting, but I am ready.
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